Doubt

Tomorrow is the day I've been waiting for. Tomorrow is the day everyone has been waiting for. Tomorrow is the day of the VCE English Exam.

Every student in Victoria doing the VCE will be sitting the English exam tomorrow.

No pressure.. AT ALL.

I'm surprised I've managed to maintain my composure until now.
My heart is beating so fast I can't even comprehend the speed.

If I screw up the exam tomorrow. I will have 'essentially' screwed up my future.

We're always told that it doesn't matter if you flunk the VCE because there's always a way to get to your dreams. Sure. It's true.

BUT, if I flunk the VCE, my reputation will be smashed to smithereens.

I am the eldest of three sisters. I have a scholarship at my school. My parents work day in day out to keep me at this school. All my relatives have gone to public schools and so far, all of them have aced the VCE. When I say ace, all have gotten 95+ ATARs. Though most of them have received 98+ ATARs. My first course preference requires that I get a 98 ATAR.

There's a lot at stake. Most people might not even bat an eye at this. They might think that it isn't all that big of a problem. But to me, I've grown up with relatives who prey on my parents. They feed off the failures and feel threatened by the successes of my parents. If I'm to stand a chance at teaching them all a lesson, that is, to not mess with my parents, then I'm going to have to ace tomorrow's exam.

English is the most important subject. English is the subject I've worked the hardest for. I can't let my stress hinder my performance tomorrow.

Good luck to me, yippee.

VCEgags - The Quiet American - 'Phuong'

Hello to my fellow jellyfish,

It has been a while. 

Don't mind me. I'm just casually.. updating every 3 months 6 months. (n˘v˘•)¬

As you all know, I am currently in my last year of high school. 

YES, I am slugging through this hell called the 'VCE'. It's the Victorian state(a lovely state in Australia for those of you who are geographically challenged, don't worry, me too) equivalent of SATs (slash whatever final high school testing they do in your part of the globe). 

So, onto my main point.

As a part of my English course, I am studying 'The Quiet American' written by the erudite Graham Greene.

Being the typical ass I am, I like to laugh at people to myself every time I hear the name 'Phuong' pronounced. It's my favourite pastime. Nah, I kid, I kid. 

No, seriously. 

I'm sitting there in class and I just watch as the teacher struggles to pronounce her name, stuttering every time she has to mention it. 

"FU-ONG... fu-wong...fuUUU-ONG...ah let's just call her Vietnam seeing as she's a symbol of the country" says my teacher.

"Well.. fu-ong doesn't seem like she has a personality" - student #06

"ARGH. FU-WONG IS SO ANNOYING" - student #17

The list goes on.

I guess the proper pronunciation is along the lines of 'feeeeerng'. DRAG OUT THAT ER SOUND ~(˘▾˘~)

Here's a demo I found:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJ0ELQA3q7g

Hope you guys learnt something today. Remember the 'er' ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

A Start to a Long Journey

As promised, I have another post.

Today I received my study score. I was honestly panicking when I logged in to see my result. I was scared that my two solid years of effort had gone down the drain and I was very surprised with my score. I was so relieved yet at the same time unsure if I should be disappointed or happy or I'm not even sure any more.

Often parents hold the highest expectations for you and that is certainly so in my case. So upon breaking the news to my father he replied, 'Is that supposed to be good?'

My mum wasn't sure how to respond either. She knew my score wasn't terrible, certainly not average, even 'high' after my raw score was scaled. She was at a loss for words. For once, she didn't know what to say.

I'm not disappointed with this mark- ecstatic actually. Knowing how badly I did in the exams, I'm very content with it.

But alas, this is only the start of an arduous journey toward my future career, a.k.a the VCE.
Next year is going to be one heck of a hard year. If I thought I was having it rough with just one advanced subject, imagine a year filled with five. It makes me cringe just thinking about it.

I have to admit, I'm not one for organization and time-management. If I was to win an award, I'd most definitely take the award for 'most unorganized, lazy student of all time'. It's sad to admit this, but it's only when you admit you have a problem, that you'll be able to find a solution.

On a side note, I have a newborn baby cousin named Annabelle Chloe Ly!
This beautiful child :')

Doomsday

If I survive tomorrow, I will have survived hell.

...

I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to react.
Tomorrow I will be receiving my study score for my Year 12 subject I completed in advance.

I feel I will be posting a lengthy, passionate, slightly-distressed post about life tomorrow. I can feel it.

To be honest I wasn't even feeling the least bit stressed until my good friend decided to message me this:

PATTY! I KNOW YOU GOTTA BE NERVOUS ABOUT TMR AND HAVE A HORRIBLE SLEEPLESS NIGHT. BUT STILL, I HOPE YOU DO TRY TO SLEEP. RELAX, BREATHE, DON'T THINK AND SLEEEEEEEP! TMR'S RESULT IS NOT A BIG DEAL, NOBODY WILL ASK YOU WHAT'S YOUR METHOD'S SCORE IN 10 YRS TIME (WELL, NOT EVEN 5 YRS..) YES, PARENT'S EXPECTATION AND PEERSSSS PRESSURE ARE GOTTA BE HARSH AND UNFAVOURABLE - TAKE IT EASY!!!! THEY AREN'T GOING TO REALLY KILL YOU OR MAKE YOU DIE SO DON'T PANIC TOO MUCH. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT REST. IM GOTTA SLEEP SOON AS WELL. NIGHTS xx

I just love this kid to bits and appreciate this consideration for my feelings. This message was so out of the blue too. The last time we messaged each other was about a month ago.

I'm feeling.. faint. I've been so chill up until now that I even signed up for my results to be texted to me 2 mins before the cut-off time. WOW.

Okay guys, I'll... just wish me the best of luck.

I gotta admit I feel really pissed though seeing as I put SO much effort into this subject and managed to badly screw up the 2 exams that would make or break my result.

Toodles. (what am I even saying-)

Avocado mask mayhem

Hello my lovelies~
I'm not going to bother commenting on my inactivity seeing as I can't even count how long it's been since I last posted something. Now onto the main purpose of this post, AVOCADO MASKS.

I am going to retell my somewhat horrific experience with DIY avocado masks. Yes, horrific.

So I thought it would be a great idea to make an avocado hair mask and seeing as the recipe called for half an avocado, ingenious me thought 'how about I use that other half to make a face mask?'

After having followed a step-by-step recipe on how to make a face mask, I lathered a great amount of product directly onto my bare face.

A minute passed and I felt an odd tingly sensation. When the clock hit 5 minutes, my face was burning. Way to go Patty! The whole entire time, it did not occur to me that I was NOT supposed to feel this intense burning sensation. When it got to the point where my face couldn't take it any more, I quickly rinsed it off and voilà, an angry red face was staring back at me in the mirror.

I then began to panic and quickly grabbed my cleanser and scrubbed at my face. The cleanser did little to relieve the pain so I resorted to Dr. Google.

Patty: -typesintogoogle- [why is my face burning from avocado mask]

Then I find out that I have had an allergic skin reaction to the avocado. -claps-

Having read the first 15 webpages regarding this problem of mine, I go back to where I found the DIY recipe and realise there's a warning to test it out on your hand or bottom of your cheek prior to usage.


Source: Image

All You Need is Confidence and You can do it!

All that crap you get about 'You just gotta believe in yourself' and 'Trust yourself' actually means something. As an ignorant individual, I chose to let myself hear those words of wisdom but in the end, it still went through one ear and out the other.

I love reading self help articles and those how I can improve my life guides. I love hearing stories of people getting in control of their lives and how they managed to do it in a few easy simple steps that any ordinary person can follow. Unfortunately, many of us are one of those 'side watchers'.  We are part of the group of people who sit on the side and watch as everyone's lives improve and complain about how dull and depressing our lives are. The thing with reading self help guides is that you actually have to believe that what you are aiming for and trying to achieve is within your boundaries. Most people think that they believe in themselves but after this spontaneous burst of 'I believe in myself power', you realise that you've lost total interest and or realise that you were stupid enough to have even thought of trying.

I am not superwoman nor am I catwoman or any 'woman' or 'girl' who has supernatural powers beyond human reasoning. This also means that I'm pretty much an ordinary individual whom complains about how boring her life is and has a pride bigger than Mr. Uppity's nose. But in actual fact I am not just any ordinary person, but am one of the luckiest people alive. How do I know? Because I am surrounded by many people who love me and have total faith in me. Why is it that they can believe in me but I can't? It's not just one person who knows that I have the potential to achieve what I want, but many do. In case you've been wondering, I'm referring to my family, the people who will never be able to turn their backs on me and will always be there to catch me when I fall.

I have been playing the piano for a very long time. I did exams for a little while but stopped because of the pressure and am now playing piano for leisure. I like to play piano by ear meaning I listen to music and then play it on the piano with no sheets. By doing this it has definitely improved my aural skills. Sadly, it has probably worsened my normal conversational listening skills. Aside from playing piano by ear, I also constantly download music sheets from the internet and print them out to play, most of which end up being tossed aside because I think I don't have enough skill to play them. Today I proved myself wrong. I always said to myself that 'I can't play scales or any fast pieces because my hands are not suited to play piano and I can't even stretch over an octave'. This excuse I always give myself can no longer be used again as of today. Why? Because today, I believed in myself. I let my heart and brain take full control of my body and I was able to play 3 pages fluently of a piece that I would say is amazingly impossible.

How is it that I was able to? And why was it today?

Today, I was in the library with my friend Winnie. Winnie is an amazing artist whose skills could surpass even Leonardo Davinci's skills. I really admire her talent and also have an interest in drawing. So I asked Winnie, 'What are some tips that you could give me so that I can draw better?' She replied with a 'Make sure that you draw the lines, not sketch them'. So I asked her 'And why should I do that?'. With an exasperated sigh she replied with a 'Because that's what my drawing teacher said. Don't draw sketchy lines. You have to draw clear long lines'. That was when I realised what her teacher meant. Draw clear long lines which shows that you are confident and that you trust your hand to draw it accordingly, sketchy lines show doubt. You must have confidence to be able to achieve a better result.

I found it a bit depressing that it was only now that the solution to all my problems only came to me today.

I have been lacking confidence, not knowledge and today, I'll put this newly found solution to good use.

So you see, all you need to do is draw a clear path to your goal and follow it.

A World Through Another's Eyes - Why I Love Photography

As I grip the lens of my camera tightly with perfect technique and correct posture, I lean over ever so slowly, so as to make sure that the subject of my photograph is captured in a way that is realistic and emphasizes the purpose of it. My hands are quick to lightly press down onto the focus button and I am ready to take my next step closer to ‘catching beauty’.

Photography. From Facebook profile pictures to World class exhibition photographs, they are all forms of photography.  Why is it that we take photographs? To capture those memories that one is afraid of forgetting? Or to gain popularity and fame? Whatever purpose the photographer has in mind, all are viewed differently through every individual. The aim of a photograph, is to give the viewer the perspective that the photographer has of their particular subject and to communicate their messages across to the viewer.

I, for one as a person who has a deep interest in photography, take it very seriously. I treat it as a sport, like how an AFL player treats Football. It was only about two months ago when my inner self awakened. As I was flipping through my DeviantArt webpage , I came across a photograph, which I had bookmarked. Suddenly, as if a light bulb had switched on in an empty dilapidated house, it triggered my now growing thirst for capturing beauty. Amazed at how the photographer was able to take such a clear evocative photograph puzzled me. What techniques did he use? What equipment was needed to produce such a breath taking photograph? Questions popped up from different corners of my brain till I couldn’t take it anymore and realised that thinking about taking a photograph wouldn’t quench my thirst for taking one.

Only days later, was I able to confide to my parents about this new ‘hobby’ of mine. They laughed it off as they knew all too well about my previous hobbies including; cross-stitching, drawing, ceramic making, knitting, singing, gardening and sewing. All of which, I had failed to keep as a long term hobby. But, this time, I was serious about keeping this as a long term hobby. I even applied to work at my Aunt’s ‘Tattersalls’ stall just to try and earn a little more money to be able to purchase a decent SLR camera. After my parents witnessed me working so hard for something, they were taken aback by this sudden burst of passion I had and in the end, bought me a top of the line Nikon D5000 SLR camera with a 16GB memory card.

Everywhere I go, I use my weapon of mass destruction to shoot photographs that would melt even Jack Frost’s heart. Each click of my camera is an additional hill top I walk over towards gaining more experience.

My sole purpose as to why I take photographs? To capture beauty.